dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
