Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
