I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
