if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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