There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
