I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
