I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
