Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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