Just fell off a train. Bad.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
