Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
