Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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