i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
