My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
