I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
