If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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