Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
