tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
