i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
