Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
