I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
