i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
