you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
