I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize