I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
