you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
