she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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