its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
