do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
