i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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