Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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