what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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