Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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