Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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