I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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