i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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