he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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