I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
