i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
