i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
