So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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