yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
