wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
