oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
