farters have to be the big spoon...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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