Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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