So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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