I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
