he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
