I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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