Michael Bay diarrhea
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i now understand why vodka
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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