Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
