You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
