if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
