He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
