im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
