one might say we're banned from that church
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
