thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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