SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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