If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
