One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
