Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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