omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
tell me about the eggs
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