Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
