another moral hangover. fuck.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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