The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
