There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My ATM looks so different sober.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
