I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
