I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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