Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
