I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
