3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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