please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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