there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
